Should have been more than 1 post for all this.lol

Well...I do have a few things to put into one post. It won't appear as much to those reading, but it's a huge amount in my head. So lets begin. No exercise on Sunday...too many other things were happening, but even before that...Saturday night Ned started reading Charlotte's Web to Sara.
It was a lot of fun to see Ned read to her, and watch her expressions. I also listened as I relaxed with my feet up, and what I wouldn't do to be a kid again at times. I just wish I could do that, knowing what I know now, and I would change a few things in my life. But it was sure nice to listen to a book like I used to in grade school. It was fun to imagine how things looked...mmmm...I enjoyed those times.

Second thing...the casino trip didn't prove to be monetarily productive. Well of course it didn't.lol. I never really thought it would be...but there is some part of me that would like to think I would actually come out ahead. But the trip was definitely fun, as it always is. I was able to drink Starbucks out of a red cup (see previous post for details.hahaha) and I got to talk with my mom. We had a great time together....just chatting...and then losing money together.lol. Wish we could do that more often....the long drive and chatting that is.lol

Third thing...I went up to scrapbook with my friend Renee today. That was so long overdue, but
please tell me why she always has to move out to timbuktoo.lol It's always seems to be...around this corner...then that one...then straight up the hill....to the end of the road. If you hit the stop sign you've gone too far.lol. Then finally 30-40 min after I've left home, I arrive. Why....must you love the country so much??????
Well...to be honest with you...as I drove up myself...I loved the open pasture and all the fall leaves. It looked peaceful and stress free. I need stress free right now. I need peaceful. I had a wonderful afternoon with Renee scrapbooking and talking and laughing about little kids who were so funny back in the day doing the "chubby" thing.lol. I miss that. :) I want that back. It's hard to watch your kids grow up and become more independent. It reminds me that I am getting older, and I really wish I didn't have so many regrets. I want to be one of those people who doesn't regret things, but rather learns from them, and knows that each and every thing that has gone on has been a part of my story. None the less we had a great time laughing and even though Renee thought I was laughing at her misery...lol...I wasn't...I was just enjoying the entire family that was there...and don't always realize how much I miss them.

Speaking of regret....fourth thing. Do you ever do something that you regret at a later time? Do you ever do something so stupid, that goes against who you want to be? I did something that I would be upset for someone else doing to me. Curiosity and my own jealousy took over and I crossed a line that I shouldn't have. :( Makes me very disappointed in myself. Makes me wonder if I will ever learn. I wonder if I'll ever be who I want to be. 32...and I still don't think I know myself. I don't understand myself....how can I expect anyone else to? ohhhh alas...I should quit having a pity party and just deal. I'm thinking that counseling is looking better and better. I was trying to get my girls through their things first...and then help me...well...that time is looking like it needs to be more sooner than later...or who knows what will happen.

Well this post started out so nicely and ended so.....well to be honest .... crappy. Oh well I guess. That's how I feel this evening. Guess exercise needs to be on the agenda. Nothing like blaring music in your ears and sweating up a storm to change your outlook on life. Later I'll wonder why I wrote half of this. Oh well...what else are blogs for.lol